i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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