btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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