mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
