How'd it feel making her break her religion?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
