If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
