Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
