im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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