I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
