My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
