I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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