After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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