if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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