was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
