Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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