tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Randomize
