Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
