I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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