I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
