i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I would fuck him just for his dog
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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