I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
