I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
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Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
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You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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