Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
