1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Operation Purity has been aborted
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
