oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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