I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Randomize
