i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
