Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
