you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
