Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
