I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
