why didn't you poke me back
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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