Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize