Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
