It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
