I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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