whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
