So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I could make wine with my vomit
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
