just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
