Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
