so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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