my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize