you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
