I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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