Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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