it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
