the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
