he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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