Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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