How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
