i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
