I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
