you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
