I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
