i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
