So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
