I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
