I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
