I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
