Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
