last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
