I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
