Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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