If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
