I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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