dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
