the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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