Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
