For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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