Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
