I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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