The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
