I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
