he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
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I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
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You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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