FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I think I just sharted jello shots
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
