At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I see more hoeing in ur future
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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