He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
